What happens in premarital counseling?
I absolutely love working with engaged couples. They have so much hope for their future, and they’re often at their most open to learning and growing in their partnership. I’ve found, though, that no matter how in love the couple is, there are often major topics they haven’t ever discussed.
Because of that, I created an eight-week premarital counseling course that I use with engaged couples to get them ready for that ultimate commitment. Inspired by the book “Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by John and Julie Gottman, each session tackles one of eight big topics that every successful partnership needs to address.
The eight topics to discuss before getting married
Trust and Commitment: This involves coming to an understanding of each individual’s role in the partnership and what sort of commitments each one expects from the other.
Addressing Conflict: You may know by now your partner’s arguing style, but you may not have mastered how to de-escalate conflict or repair after having a fight.
Sex and Intimacy: Not every couple talks openly about sex and intimacy, so this is your chance to discuss your sexual preferences, as well as how to increase non-sexual intimacy in general.
Work and Money: There’s a reason that couples argue about money so much – it’s deeply entrenched in our beliefs about ourselves and what we want from our time on earth.
Family: Whether or not to have kids, conflicting parenting styles, handling disagreements with in-laws: The topic of family will likely be an endless discussion between the two of you. It’s important to understand the other’s POV on these topics.
Fun and Adventure: You’re not getting married just for the tax benefits, right? You’re expecting your marriage to provide joy and excitement too! Let’s discuss what that means for you.
Growth and Spirituality: No matter your religious beliefs, a sense of connection to something beyond ourselves is important to our individual well-being, so that means its important to the health of the partnership.
Dreams: We all want a partner to support our aspirations in life, but they can’t do that if they don’t know what they are and how they can help.
What to expect in premarital counseling
In premarital counseling with me, we’re going to have a lot of fun. Sure, the topics are serious, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time. Each week will include a fun activity, thought-provoking discussions, and if you’re up to it, a homework assignment to keep the momentum going outside of session.
Deciding to pursue premarital counseling is one of the best investments you can make in your future marriage, so good for you for considering it! The work you’re doing now will set the foundation for the years ahead, and hopefully help to equip you to handle whatever major issues come your way.
