You’ve likely heard both these terms before, and on the surface, they may seem interchangeable. “Care” and “soothing” are similar words, and both their self-focused forms are efforts to benefit our well-being. But in practice, the acts of self care and self soothing differ slightly, and understanding these differences might be key to taking better care of yourself. Let’s dig in.

What is self care?

The National Institute of Mental Health defines self care as “taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health.” The stereotypical activities that may come to mind are taking a bath, doing yoga, or staying hydrated. It may be helpful to also know the definition of “care,” described as “the provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something” by Oxford Languages.

What is self soothing?

Self soothing, on the other hand, varies slightly. Merriam-Webster defines “soothe” as “to bring comfort, solace, or reassurance to.” When directed to ourselves, self soothing is a way to calm ourselves down without the help of others. Those who have taken care of young children may be familiar with the term as it relates to sleep training – self-soothing babies are able to put themselves back to sleep after waking up without the assistance of their caregiver.

So, what’s the difference?

In my experience, self soothing is a subset of self care. Let me explain: if self care means doing things to improve your physical and mental health, those things aren’t always the most soothing. Think of going to the dentist. Does it improve your health? Absolutely. Does it bring “comfort” or “solace”? For a lot of people, absolutely not. It can be uncomfortable or even downright terrifying, but most of us understand it’s a necessary chore to check off your list of ways to stay healthy. Just because it’s not soothing doesn’t mean it’s not taking care of yourself. 

Another example: having a tough, but necessary, conversation with a coworker or loved one. Anyone who avoids confrontation knows there is nothing soothing about interactions like this, but will it move your life in a positive direction? That’s the goal!

On the flip side, self soothing includes those nicer examples of self care that we hear about, like bubble baths and listening to music. These are ways to reduce stress levels in the moment and are generally easier to engage in. And when we’re reducing stress, we’re taking care of ourselves.

Self soothing is always self care, but self care isn’t always self soothing. 

Why is the difference important?

It’s important to understand the difference between self care and self soothing because both are needed at different times. In moments of high stress and dysregulation, self soothing techniques may be what we need. In calmer moments when we have our basic physical and emotional needs met, that’s when we can engage in self care. And sometimes you may even need to self soothe after you self care, like when you get yourself a little treat after going to the doctor. 

Remember that just because it’s not soothing, doesn’t mean it’s not self care. We can’t always rely on others to make sure we’re living well – we have to take that into our own hands, even if it feels uncomfortable. 

The biggest takeaway here is the importance of being aware of your needs and acting on them. If something feels off, that’s a sign that you may need to address the cause. Now that you know the difference between self care and self soothing, you can make the best decision for what to do about it.